Savages - LolaStark

Chapter Ten

[Rowan]

The letter came early in the day, early enough that the Hall had been abuzz all throughout breakfast. It was a letter from King's Landing, that much he knew, most likely from the Hand of the King, Lord Stark. But the contents of the letter had been kept secret as Robb Stark and the Maester disappeared for some time.

Rowan had spent most of the morning outside in the cool air, practicing his archery with Theon. They both had a wager going since the beginning of the week, ever since Fallon and Robb had come home with a cleanly shot doe. Neither could believe it.

Fallon was busy with Bran, both sitting atop horses as they aimed at their targets, hitting them every so often. Bran's skill continued to improve daily. Fallon always seemed distracted as she'd pull back the arrow and then paused for several moments before releasing it gracefully. She'd often hit her targets then, leaving Rowan wonder what had happened out in the forest to change her luck.

Though, Rowan knew his sister well enough that it hadn't taken him long to figure it out.

The afternoon sun was high in the sky when he found her underneath the weirwood tree, her cloak lightly draped over her shoulders as she traced her fingers over the bark. She was crouched down, sitting up on her knees as she whispered a prayer in the Old Tongue, a prayer he'd heard more times than he could remember since she was a girl. The prayer of selflessness. It wasn't until she finished that he sat down next to her and she glanced at him from the corner of her green eyes.

"So you found me," she said with a grin and he couldn't help but smile.

"You have been doing well at avoiding me," he replied and she shrugged.

"I had hoped you'd be too busy to notice," she admitted, adjusting her position so she was sitting on the ground.

"I notice everything when it comes to you. You know that," he told her. "But I thought we were closer than this. Since when do we keep secrets?"

"You know I would not keep secrets from you on purpose, Ro. I wanted to tell you so many times but I could never put it into words. And then I thought I could deal with it on my own without burdening someone else," she explained and smiled lightly.

"Is this about your Young Wolf?" he asked her and she laughed at the nickname Rowan had given Robb.

"Something is changing," she said. "There is something there, between he and I and it is persistent and frustrating," she explained distractedly. He chuckled at his sisters frustration. "I am beginning to wonder if it is wise to resist that change. I feel as though I have been fighting it for so long.

"What do your instincts say?" he asked her.

"Part of me says that I should continue fighting it, that I have a duty to honor my promise to Lord Eddard," he frowned at that suggestion. It was a very 'Fallon' way of handling conflict. "But another part of me wishes for something else. And the more time I spend here, the more I begin to wonder what that 'something' is."

He nodded as she spoke, knowing she was starting to realize her feelings for Robb were not as easy to resist as she thought they might be. She could not see what was so obvious to Rowan. He could see it on her face, in the way she spoke of him. She loved the Stark, loved him as a woman ought to love a man, not the same as a young, girlish love.

"Do you remember when you came to me, a few months after Aedan came to live with us and you told me you hated him?" he asked her and she looked away in shame as Aedan's name was introduced into the conversation.

"I thought he was pretentious. He followed me everywhere I went," she admitted. "He was always acting like he knew what was best for me."

"It was around the same time that he told me he had fallen for you. He said he was sure he'd fallen for you the moment he laid eyes on you, the way you looked at him when he saved your mare from the river. But you didn't want anything to do with him," Rowan spoke, tearing a blade of grass from the ground and tearing it gently in his fingers. "And then one day you came to me and you said something had changed. Much like right now."

"I remember," she whispered.

"What changed between you?" he asked her.

"Then? or now?" she replied, referring to Aedan, her voice sounding hurt.

"Both?"

"I was young, Aedan was handsome and he loved me with such intensity. I had never felt something like it before. Once I began to realize that he was only trying to protect me because he cared, I viewed him in a different light. And of course our family loved him, you loved him. I knew if you approved he must be a good man. And he was, he still is. He always treated me with respect. And suddenly - just as you said it would - something changed. He was there, and I saw him as something other than my brother's friend or the man who cared for me. I felt love, for the first time in my life." Her eyes were focused on nothing in particular as she spoke.

"And what changed from then to now?" he asked and she didn't answer for several minutes.

"I think it was me who changed, not the love. I still love him, no matter what happened with Elsbeth. But I'm not sure that his love is enough for me, not this me. I've grown and with that become someone different. I am still trying to discover if this new me is someone I even like," she tried to explain. "Oh Rowan what if this new me is someone I hate. Or you hate?'

"Don't be stupid Fal, you know I could never hate you," he told her, annoyed that she would even suggest such a thing.

Rowan new it was hard for her to admit this to him, knowing Aedan was like a brother to him. He'd be beyond happy when Aedan said he wanted to marry Fallon. But when their father had married Elsbeth to him instead, he'd seen the sacrifice Fallon had made. Rowan knew Fallon better than anyone and he knew the pain it had caused her to let go. He wondered if the change in her had really began then.

"I hate myself sometimes, for feeling this way. So helpless," she said, closing her eyes. "I hate myself for hurting Aedan, but most of all for whatever nonsense I'm putting Robb through. It is not fair to him."

"What happened in the woods?" he asked her and he saw her cheeks flush a light shade of pink. He didn't need her to answer then, but he couldn't help but smirk at her reaction.

"I shouldn't have done it, but then he kissed me and said things, oh Rowan you should have heard the things he said," she said, the admission pouring from her lips in a hushed whisper. "I promised Lord Stark that I wouldn't be a disturbance, that Robb would do his duty, that he'd marry Kathryn and I would not distract him from that. And now - now I've made this mess."

"It's only a mess if Robb doesn't do his duty," he reminded her and she nodded.

"Yes but he keeps saying he can't marry her because of me. I've been so stupid!"

"Fal..."

"It doesn't matter, none if it does," she said quickly. "I finally told him that I'm returning to Skagos. Once I am gone, perhaps he will think more clearly."

"You said Lord Stark would take you back when he next returned to Winterfell. But we both know that won't be anytime soon. He might not return for months, a year even. Are you planning to wait that long to confront this?"

"I don't want to confront it at all but he-" she started and then paused.

"He what?" he urged her but she shook her head.

"Nothing," she insisted but Rowan could always tell when she was lying. He frowned.

"More secrets?" he asked and she sighed.

"He said that he loves me," she said slowly and the picture was all too clear. "I thought I had done well at keeping my distance. I told him about Aedan and I thought he'd accept it, but he didn't," she explained.

"Probably because he knew you were lying," he pointed out. "Even I can see that you saying your heart belongs to Aedan is no longer true."

"He's so damn insistent though. I might have been able to make him believe it if he was not always around, when I'm vulnerable to him. He's betrothed, damn him! And yet he barely gives Kathryn any notice at all."

"I can't imagine who would want to," he grumbled. "She's impossible."

"She's not all that bad," Fallon tried to argue but it was clear even she didn't believe her own words.

"She calls us Skaggs under her breath. She thinks she's above us," he said. "And she's not the only one. I've heard a few whispers. People still don't accept us, as if we're some bloody savages here to slit their throats in the night. Kathryn is just as bad. I wouldn't doubt if she was the one making them all believe it."

"She is above me, they all are" she reminded me. "Here I am not of noble blood. Here I am no better than a common servant."

"The Magnar's blood runs through your veins, just as it does mine, descending back from the First Men. She doesn't have that claim," Rowan protested. "And even if you didn't, you'd have more nobility than that wench." Fallon cracked a smile then.

He never understood why Fallon had been stripped of her title. He knew it was law, that she had no rights as a noble when she became a ward of Ned Stark. But he still didn't understand it. Fallon had gone to their father soon after the sentence had passed. She had offered to become the Stark's ward and their father agreed without argument. Rowan had begged to take her place. He was never born to be Lord of Kingshouse, Magnar of Skagos. That had been Keeran's birthright, passed to Broden soon after Keeran's tragic death. But Rowan had no future in that. And he didn't want his sister to give up hers. But his father refused.

"You're the Nighean, Fal," he reminded her, his voice raised. "You're supposed to have whatever life you choose!"

"And I chose this one!" she shouted and Rowan was surprised by the intensity in her voice. "I did this for Corran."

"Father wanted you here. You think you chose this life, this sacrifice, but he knew you'd be safe here because of the Starks. But you are not supposed to be a ward of the North. You're the Nighean of Skagos. Your destiny is in your hands. Stop acting like what you did was so noble, Fal."

She seemed to consider this for several moments as Rowan calmed himself. It was harsh what he said, but Fallon was noble to a fault. She had to stop hiding behind that and do for herself from time to time.

"Not all change is bad, you know," Rowan told her, mirroring Enat's words. "Perhaps the gods meant for you to be here, for you to care for Robb."

"He will only suffer more if I let him love me," she whispered. "I will not have the burden of his misery on my shoulders."

"He will love you even if you don't let him, just as you love him," he said and her eyes snapped up towards his.

"I don't-"

"You love him, that's what you are battling with, that's why you let him kiss you in the forest, and that's why you sound so miserable when you talk of leaving this place."

"Rowan, I do want to go home," she insisted. "I have missed it every day since I watched the island fade from my view, and I would give anything to return."

"And you will," he said. "But we can't go home until we find out who wants us dead. Skagos is not safe."

"Winterfell is no safer," she argued. "I nearly died, as did Bran."

"But Stark saved you. And I'm here now, we're safer together, at least until Broden returns from the Wall," he countered. "In the meantime there is no harm in letting yourself love."

"It will all be for naught," she told him. "Loving him will only hurt us both, just as Lord Eddard said."

"Or you could have your love, and it will make you both very happy. Yes, you will leave him, yes he will marry Kathryn and he will be forced to live out the rest of his days in a miserable match with a miserable woman," he said and Fallon's features fell as she took in his words. "His future, isn't a happy one. Maybe he'll have children, and perhaps they will make him happy but he'll always have Kathryn there as a constant reminder of his duty and his misery. Is it so much to ask to let him enjoy some happiness before that fate is sealed? To let yourself?"

"But it would be wrong," she said, her voice catching slightly in her throat.

"What about that is wrong?" Rowan asked. "Two people who love one another should have happiness, however fleeting it may be. But there should always be something for them to hold on to. If you let yourself love him, when you leave this place you'll at least have that."

"And I'll-," she started as a tear fell. "-just marry another when Broden offers my hand?"

"You know it's not like that," he said. "The Nighean may be the only woman who actually has a choice in her husband. You choose who is worthy enough of your heart. Not me and not Broden."

"I don't know if I can give him that kind of false hope," she said.

"You can't always be selfless Fallon. There are some things you need to do for yourself. You're happy here, and you can take that happiness with you if you just let yourself. Otherwise, you will live in the misery you have created. That is your choice."

For Rowan that was all he could say. He had no other comforting words or warnings to give to her. Hearing her only solidified what he already knew. Fallon loved Robb. Gone were the days when her heart could be persuaded otherwise. Even if she chose not to give into herself while she could, she would always love him, regardless of where she was or who she married.

Enat said the gods had a plan for Fallon and Robb, but to Rowan it was something much more powerful than that. And even if it was only for a short time, they deserved to be happy.

[Theon]

There was no escape from this.

For weeks he'd been stupid, letting her come to his chambers, letting her seduce him and sometimes even letting her sleep there until morning.

It was her fault, Kathryn. That damned woman.

Part of him wanted to throttle her for getting him in this position, the kind of position that meant his head on a stake if they were caught. But there was the other part of him, the strong part that didn't want to stop.

Kathryn was beautiful, and Theon had always had a soft spot for blond women. There weren't many girls with flaxen hair in the North. Theon knew because he'd been around enough to find that fair-haired women were either already married, or soon to be. Not that it had ever stopped him before. But Kathryn was something different entirely. She came to his chambers nearly every night since the first time. And each time she'd tell him it was the last. But it never was.

He knew he had to end it and every time she left there was that part of him that hoped she'd stay away for good. But the other part found her intoxicating, and he was addicted to her presence. Soon he found excuses not to end it, always considering that she'd be angry and tell Robb about the affair. She'd threatened him with that scenario many times when he told her to leave. And now he was stuck, unsure what to do.

Just like now as she pulled her dress to the ground and danced with that mischievous grin on her lips. The steam was rising in the bath as she stepped into the warm water and she beckoned him with her finger.

"Come darling," she whispered. "It's time for your bath."

And no matter how hard he wanted to, he just couldn't refused her.

[Fallon]

It had been eight days since Robb had professed his love for her. And it had been four days since her conversation with Rowan. It took her four days and another conversation with Rowan before she found herself in her current position, standing outside Robb's door with her hand hovering over the handle for the last ten minutes. She was just about to knock when the door opened quickly, the room's occupant standing over her with a dagger in his hand, wide-eyed.

"Seven Hells, Fallon," he said quickly, lowering the dagger in his left hand. "What are you doing out here?"

"Why do you have a dagger?" she countered, trying to ignore the sight of his exposed upper body, covered in water that dripped down his skin.

"I saw someone standing out here for so long I thought I might need it," he said, pulling her in and closing the door behind her. "What were you doing?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted with a grin, looking away once again from his body and trying to hide the pink that was slowly rising in her cheeks. "I was planning on knocking, eventually."

She couldn't help but take in all of him. The sight was quite distracting. It wasn't as if she'd never seen a naked man - and this man was only half naked. In fact, Skagosi customs did not dictate that their women be virgins before marriage. Fallon certainly was not a virgin - though she'd only been with one man. But she sure did manage to blush as if she was the most virginal young woman in Westeros when she looked upon Robb Stark's nearly nude figure.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, adjusting the fabric around his waist and she started to laugh nervously.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I just came to tell you something and-" she was saying.

"What is it?" he asked, concerned with her distracted pauses.

"It's just that, well, I can't really concentrate with you all-" she explained and he started to smile when she motion towards his figure.

"Well you did interrupt my bath," he said with a smug grin.

"Only fair," she replied. "As I recall, you did the same to me once."

"Well I daresay, the sight was much more pleasant in that particular instance," he said, his voice playful, his words teasing her.

"You're making me blush, My Lord," she teased back, allowing her eyes to roam over his chest as she fidgeted with the corner of her nightgown.

"It's a pretty color on you," he whispered and she looked away.

"You know," she said. "You shouldn't waste a hot bath," she told him, looking towards the tub of steaming water.

"I was in there long enough," he said, stepping towards her until he was looking down at her with his ocean eyes so heavy with everything he'd said to her that day in the forest. "I'll just get dressed, if you want to wait?"

"I will just stand over here," she said nervously, motioning towards the corner window. "And I will look away, of course," she whispered, turning around so that she was staring out the window.

She couldn't see much in the darkness, but she did spot the torch far off on the watch tower that was dimly lit in the night. She could hear the sound of Robb opening his wardrobe and she continued to fidget with the hem of her nightgown. She should have been properly dressed, she realized, scolding herself. But she had already been in bed when she got the urge to visit him and now she regretted leaving her chambers without one of her thicker robes.

"What was it you wanted to tell me?" he asked her and the sound of his voice pulled her from her thoughts.

She turned her head slightly, looking at him over her shoulder where he was now standing. She knew what she came to say, but now she could feel the fear washing over her. There would be ramifications if the words left her lips. Things would change and she could no longer hide from that. And more than anything she feared change. She liked the way things were, she liked being Robb's friend, able to confide in him whenever she wished. But she also couldn't help the way she felt with his lips on hers, the way she felt alive with his hands on her body in a way she'd never felt before with any other man.

When she finally turned to face him, he was standing closer than she'd expected. But she didn't step back. She swallowed quickly as he looked down at her and she craned her neck so she was looking up into his eyes. He knew it bothered her, straining her neck, which was precisely why she knew he did it. Suddenly she wasn't so sure of herself as she tried to gather her words and so she spat out the first thing that came to mind.

"I was hoping to get your permission, to - to take Albertha to the village," she managed to say and he furrowed his brow..

"You know I'm cautious about letting you wander off on your own right now," he said softly.

"Am I your prisoner now?" she teased and he smiled.

"You know what I mean," he added. "Especially with the letter I received from my mother having come so soon. With Tyrion Lannister in her custody, we simply aren't safe. If we thought we had targets on our backs before - my mother has not helped to remedy that."

"She did what she thought was best," Fallon told him, agreeing that Lady Stark had taken matters into her own hands for the good of her family. Whether or not her accusations against him were founded, Fallon did not much care. But she knew the Lannisters were involved and maybe Tyrion could give her answers. "And anyways, Rowan can go, and Theon said he would as well, and Bran and Rickon."

"Was I invited on this excursion?" he asked, placing his hand over her elbow and she felt the heat rush to her cheeks. "Or perhaps everyone but me?"

"I'd hoped by me asking permission, you'd find it upon yourself to come along, you can even bring Kathryn if you wish," she said but he frowned.

"Please tell me she is not the reason you came here," he said and she shook her head slowly. She thought of the real reason she'd come, Rowan's words so fresh in her mind. But the words seemed impossible to leave her lips. "What did you come to tell me then? I know you didn't come here to ask my permission for an outing you've been planning all week. Even without my permission you'd find a way to do it anyways," he teased her.

There were several moments of silence between them. Fallon simply stood there, looking over his features and memorizing the way his jaw line curved up from his chin. She liked the way he looked down at her, but at the same time she found herself so vulnerable under those eyes, as if he could see everythings she was hiding. She couldn't help what she said next, or the way her hand reaching out towards him, shaking slightly.

"Before the fire," she whispered, taking a step closer. She placed her hands on his chest lightly, her breath catching in her throat as her fingertips touched to his bare skin. "I saw her kiss you," she added, and he shook his head.

"You must know that did not mean anything-" he started, trying to interrupt but she placed her index finger over his lips.

"I know it didn't mean anything. Why else would she have done it right in front of my window?" she asked. "But I didn't like it, her touching you like this," she said looking down at his chest as her fingertips traced circles over his skin. His hands found her waist and he pulled in her so that their hips were flush.

"I don't want her, I've told you that," he said seriously. "I only want you."

She smiled.

"I've forgotten what it is like not to feel this way," she said, placing her ear to his chest and she could hear the beating of his heart speeding up with every passing second.

"What way?" he asked, his voice more controlled than hers was..

She pulled her head back and looked up at him, Robb Stark. She couldn't remember anyone ever looking at her in such a manner. It caused a chill up her spine, the kind of chill that relaxed her and unnerved her all at once. The knots in her stomach only twisted tighter and the ache deep inside of her increased.

"Wanting something I can never have," she replied. She could no longer resist the urge to feel his hair in her fingertips. She twisted it around her fingertips as she took in his scent and the warmth of his skin against hers.

"I am yours," he whispered and her eyes closed as she sighed. "Stay with me."

"I cannot," she said reluctantly. The urge was there, to stay. Nothing sounded sweeter than to stay wrapped up in his arms, his lips hot against her mouth or her neck, she didn't care. When her eyes finally fluttered open, they were met with his, the blue eyes that seemed to be on fire. Burning for her and her alone. "How can I be with you so briefly? I fear I have no self control when it comes to you."

"You've kept yourself from me long enough," he said, kissing her forehead. "Our time doesn't have to be brief, I've told you that."

"And I've told you I must return home," she reminded him. "I have a duty as the Nighean."

"And I cannot persuade you to stay?" he asked, his eyes pained.

"No," her lips said, though everything inside of her begged to say yes.

"And if my father doesn't return for a year?" he asked her to consider. Just as Rowan had. "What will we do until then? Pretend that this doesn't exist?" As he spoke his hold tightened.

There was that question again, she thought. Could she ignore what was happening between them right now for months or even a year? She'd already admitted that she had little self-control due to his presence. Could she watch Kathryn pawing at him until she left? She knew she couldn't. She hated to think herself that weak. Her father had warned her of this. This weakness.

But then other words filled her mind. Rowan had said she could take this happiness with her when she left, that for now she could let herself love. It was selfish and cruel and unfair to them both. But everything inside of her screamed that she didn't care. Everything urged her to embrace what this man was offering her. She couldn't ignore that she yearned for him, that she dreamt of his embrace.

She had to have him.

Even if it was only temporary.

She looked down at her hands and let her eyes follow them as she slid them up his chest. She watched as they brushed over his shoulders and then up either side of his neck until they reached the stubble of his chin and jawline. When they stopped she looked up into his eyes, resigned and willing.

"Until then-," she whispered, raising herself onto her toes so she made herself taller. "-until then we do what we can with now."

She placed her mouth to his and let him pick her up so her legs were wrapped around his hips. He held her with ease, one hand under her bottom and the other tangled in her hair as he deepened the kiss. Fallon wasn't sure if she wanted to smile or cry at what was happening. The feeling was both earth-shattering and terrible all in the same moment as she felt her control fall by the wayside and her desire guiding her closer until there was no space left between them.

She could taste the bitter wine on his tongue as their mouths intertwined and she knew she wanted more. She would always want more of him.

Because now she couldn't seem to get enough.

[Kathryn]

She only looked over her shoulder once to see if Theon was still asleep. When she saw his naked form in her bed, his eyes closed peacefully and his chest rising slowly and then falling, she was satisfied enough.

She sat at her writing desk with a thin robe covering her skin. Her fingers were wrapped around the quill as she wrote in her delicate handwriting until words were formed in reply to her father's most recent letter. She'd been expecting it, to be honest. They'd been in correspondence since he'd departed Winterfell, keeping each other informed of the happenings in the North and in the South.

She'd received his most recent letter that morning by raven. His message was most alarming. Ever since Lady Stark had taken Tyrion Lannister captive in the Vale of Arryn, a panic had arisen not only in Winterfell, but among her family at court in King's Landing. Her status as Robb Stark's betrothed could put her family in danger, her father had said. He warned her that if the Starks did not do as they were commanded by the king, then she too would taste their downfall.

That she simply couldn't have.

She was furious. She was supposed to be a highborn lady, Lady Stark of Winterfell, wife of the Warden of the North. She couldn't be the wife of a traitor, supposed or not.

She looked back at Theon and sighed as she continued the letter. She hated the idea of leaving, at least this early into what could all turn out to be a grave misunderstanding. If she left Winterfell now she could never return. Breaking her betrothal with the Stark family would me she would be unable to marry for at least a year while any other suitors assured her maiden status.

Of course they'd be waiting a long time for that to happen, she thought, laughing at her own joke.

But of course she must go home, she thought. While marriage would take longer, she'd be able to do the waiting home, out of the dreary cold that was the North, the moors and the fog that caused her moods to be so low.

She could take Theon, she thought.

But she could never convince her father to let a Greyjoy, ward of Ned Stark to accompany her, let alone be part of their household. Regardless she'd have to figure out how to break the news to him, the man who had shared her bed now more times than she could count. She welcomed the distraction but they both knew it couldn't last. Whether she was marrying Robb or fleeing for the South, soon enough they'd have to go their separate ways.

It was a tough decision, certainly one she wasn't prepared to make until she knew how to benefit herself the greatest. She certainly wasn't about to come out on the short end of this situation, not when she'd been forced into this engagement in the first place.

So for now her reply was short and simple. She'd return when the threat was serious.

She'd return if the Starks were no longer her best option.